Suicide prevention centers are on high alert for fear that Tom Hanks might be the next celebrity to have sexual harassment allegations leveled against him. So far the only complaint comes from an extra on Bosom Buddies who claims that Mr. Hanks once opened the door for her, but then didn’t make eye contact. Peter Scalari was contacted about this accusation and said, “The only questionable thing I ever saw Tom do was when he sold his soul to the devil. Seriously, nobody is that lucky with their film career”. The fear of a Tom Hanks sex scandal is real and would have devastating results. The Halloween costume industry would go bankrupt by the loss of David S. Pumpkins suit sales, and film reviewers across the country would no longer be able to use the tagline “He’s our generation’s, Jimmy Stewart.”

Written by Dave Jessup

Stand up comedian, improviser and creepy doll maker.

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