The White House has come under serious scrutiny in recent days as it has been uncovered through the whistle-blowing website Wikileaks, that President Donald J. Trump planned to destroy the Earth after leaving with a group of elites to colonize Mars.
In the stolen emails, the President and his cohorts, that go by the codename “The Elites” devised a plan to secretly launch a series of government space shuttles carrying them and enough supplies to colonize Mars. Once en route to the red planet, the President was set to play a prerecorded message that would let the rest of planet Earth know about their impending doom. He would then go on to ” detonate all nuclear missiles firing them to all corners of the globe,” erasing the planet from the galaxy.
A rough draft of the soon to be prerecorded message was later found in a drafted tweet on the President’s personal Twitter account. The draft read as follows:
“Dear Citizens of Earth,
I hate all of you. Sincerely, from bottom of my heart, I mean it when I say I couldn’t be happier to destroy this shithole planet and start over again on Mars with my family and other members of The Elite. If you have any questions, talk to the nukes. And fuck you Putin.
Donald J. Trump”
So far everyone appointed to investigate the case has been fired or murdered on the White House lawn.