John Boehner Smokes a Joint, Becomes a Sex-Crazed Hippie

In recent months, many of those close to former Speaker of the House, John Boehner ( in no way pronounced “boner”), have expressed concerns over changes in his behavior since joining the advisory board of Acreage Holdings, a company that grows, processes, and distributes cannabis in the United States.
“Ever since he’s smoked his first marijuana, John has been a different person,” one member of the House had to say but requested to remain anonymous. “Now, he walks around high all the time, talking about the “uneven distribution of wealth,” legalizing gay marriage, free love.”
It has been rumored that since becoming involved in the cannabis industry Mr. and Mrs. Boehner have been hosting “pot-fueled orgies” for them and their wealthy friends. These events allegedly go on for several days and involve “hundreds of thousands of pounds” of marijuana.
Though it is still unclear as to whether or not these events are factual, Attorney General, Jeff Sessions has been having “an absolute shitfit” over the news. It’s been noted that Sessions has been flapping his ears in rapid succession due to his rage for the situation and has taken flight on multiple occasions as a result.
When contacted about the rumors, Mr. Boehner has yet to return anyone’s calls, with some speculating that he is to busy participating in “rough anal play” to reply.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: