Early this week, Florida resident Mickey Pugnuts was absolutely flabbergasted to discover that himself, his friends, his family, and pretty much anyone he has ever known or loved are Autistic.

“My girlfriend too?” Mickey questioned.

“Even your girlfriend,” his primary care physician replied.

Mickey, who thought he lead a fairly normal life, is still trying to cope with the news that he has been living the semi-retarded life that he believed those with Autism live.

“It’s just tough, you know? Here I was thinking that I was doing alright for myself. Sure, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 27 to who I now know is an Autistic girl, but I have a tremendous toy collection, the best Pokemon cards, two years left on my Bachelor’s degree, and a steady job as a bag boy at Publix,” Pugnuts told the doctor.

“Are any of the bagboys mentally handicapped?”

“Almost everyone, but me…Let’s just not fucking talk about it,” Pugnuts sighed.

For now, Pugnuts is just focusing on acceptance and living with his recent discoveries.

“I’ll probably just keep doing the same shit I’ve always done,” Pugnuts stated. “I’ve had no problem smoking pot until I pass out jerking off before, and I don’t look to change that now. I may try to join the TSA or work at the DMV to be around more people like me once I graduate. But, honestly, I’m just trying to forget I was ever told this information.”



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