Later tonight, at an undisclosed location, talented actors from all over the world will gather in secrecy to hold a ceremony celebrating a job well done. But this isn’t just any secret ceremony; it’s the Crisis Actors Guild Awards, a night crisis actors from all over the world work their entire lives for, a night of circle jerking their fellow actors and patting themselves on the back.

Awards range from “Best Virtue Signaling Speech” and “Best False Flag” to “Best Crying on Command” and “Best New Crisis Actor.” All the greats are sure to attend like John Doe who’s best known for being a part of the JFK assignation, and Jane Doe, unrelated, who contributed her talents to Australia at the Port Author Massacre which lead to a nationwide ban on firearms.

Also, there will be special appearances from Cardi B. I assume because who else better represents the downfall of humanity than Cardi B. and I’ve gotten word that there will even be a crisis that goes on at the award show itself! Yup, that’s right, Kanye West will be there…and He. Will. Be. Drunk. And probably will be given pepper spray, and buckets of acid to really get things going.

This year’s Crisis Guild Actors Awards is something you won’t want to miss, but you will because if anybody actually found out about it, then the industry would be ruined…Hopefully, one day when society has progressed enough, people will not judge people for faking crisis’s to create an impression to then change the viewpoint of a subject to later change laws in favor of that sides ideology, and everybody can just make good decisions naturally…As JFK said in that famous speech about going to the moon, “fuck it!”


Written by ChivesMary

I <3 chives & chives <3 me...

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