The shriveled, uncut dick of social justice took a swing at the state of Texas this week targeting the name of the state’s capital. Austin, Texas was named after the “Father of Texas” Stephen F. Austin, the man who successfully colonized the region in 1825 after recruiting more than 300 white families to inhabit the area.

Though as of recently, the now rotting corpse of what was Stephen F. Austin has come under scrutiny for a Trump-like quote in response to Mexico trying to prohibit slaves in Tejas; Mr. Austin stated if the slaves were free they would become “vagabonds, a nuisance, and a menace.”

Needless to sat people went fucking crazy. Petitioning to have the name changed.

To avoid the shit show that would ensue if the state was to attempt to rename its capital, the Texas government decided to level with protestors. Proposing not a change in name, but a change in name meaning.

“We figured that if we were clever about who we named the city after we could avoid a total name change while still meeting their demands,” a state representative told the press.

So they chose a different Austin from the state of Texas.

“In response to the great concern expressed by our great state’s residents,” Ted Cruz announced. “We have decided to renamed the city after the ‘The Texas Rattle Snake’ himself, Stone Cold Steve Austin.”

The city now renamed Stone Cold Steve Austin, Texas will continue to go by its shortened name, Austin. Though some residents have begun to declare the city as Stone Cold, Texas.

The real Stone Cold Steve Austin was too drunk to respond.

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