Per a new city ordinance, Dallas Police Department officers are now allowed to stop and probe citizens if a crime is believed to be in progress or may take place in the future, whether that be near or distant.

 
“Officers have been trained to detect crime by using their mouths or genitals to probe the potential suspect’s anal cavity for a potential crime,” explained Dallas Police Chief Renee Hall. “Those caught resisting testing will be charged with conspiracy to commit an act of terrorism and will be executed on the spot.”

 
Those who feel as though they have been wrongfully probed can file a complaint with the Dallas Police Department and will be subjected to an extensive search of your property and smear campaign, where officers will relay why they rightfully inserted themselves into the obvious criminal.

 
“Na-na na-na boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo.”

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