One Florida man was under the impression that all his dreams would come true after finally finding someone willing to kiss him on the lips and hang out with him long term.

“I’m just so fucking pissed!” Mickey Pugnuts, 27, continues, “I finally, FINALLY, get a girlfriend, and this shit happens to me.”

The lady Pugnuts was able to pull was a 22-year-old college student he met on tinder that was “looking for a daddy” and that she was an “LG” and part of the fetish community, although it’s true meaning alluded Mickey at first.

“I saw that and was like ‘yeah, I’ll be your daddy, bitch’ but that’s not what she meant,” Pugnuts explained. “She wanted a ‘daddy’ like a real daddy, to like, I don’t know, raise and take care of her or some shit?”

After a fast few weeks, Pugnuts and his new lady were settled into his apartment, where the odd behavior began to reveal itself.

“The day she moves in, she goes to sleep in these footie pajamas, and there isn’t anything wrong with that, but the next day she broke out her Polly Pockets and started playing with those like a five-year-old as I’m getting ready to go to work.”

When he returned from work later that day, the strange happenings had only escalated.
“Before I knew it, we had children’s toys, movies, and stuffed animals all over the house,” he said. “She would even talk with a dumbass lisp that she didn’t have before.”

And then he realized what was going on.

“After some Googling, I found out what she was doing,” Pugnuts said. “But I was so high on someone wanting to be around me I decided to give it a shot and see if it was something I was into.”

After weeks of binkies, blankets, toys and bedtime stories intertwined with blowjobs and sex through pajama butt flaps Pugnuts had enough.

“By the 3rd month I was exhausted by her,” he said. “My money was gone, she was eating all the food before I got any and then I’d have to do all the chores because she was ‘too young’ to do them.”

But what finally broke the relationship was one evening when Pugnuts got home earlier than expected one evening he walked in to find his “little girl” on the couch in regular clothes drinking beer and smoking a joint, talking on the phone in a normal voice to her sister.

“That’s when I lost it; I was done being played.”

“So I kicked her out of the apartment and tossed her shit on off the balcony,” he expressed. “Nothing is worth that weird shit unless you’re fucked in the head too. That whole fetish must have been concocted by lazy hookers who want to set up camp in someone else’s life. I certainly will not be trying that kind of relationship out again.”

The whole process he believed was just another form of gold-digging.

“The only difference is a lot more implied pedophilia on this end. No thank you chief; I’m good right here in normal town with my Legos and Dragonball Super boxset, jerking off to hentai.”

Pugnuts hopes to move past his new relationship into something more steady, and is trying to view the whole situation as a hands on learning experience.

“If I had the balls to kill myself I would, but that’s not going to happen so I’ll just live with it till I die a cancer induced death like everyone else.”

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