It’s October again, a time for candy, pumpkin spice, and racist little white kids dressing up as people of color instead of sticking to their fucking race. So Savage America is sifting through all the stupid pale Moana’s and cracker-ass Black Panthers to show you some socially acceptable costumes for whites, allowing them to stay in their fucking lane and not ruffle any feathers.

1. Eminem

The king cracker of the rap game is the perfect costume for your hip-hop loving little racist who doesn’t want to be that piece of shit, Machine Gun Kelly.

2. Taylor Swift

Possibly the whitest popstar to ever exist, Taylor Swift is an excellent choice for your future little hooker who will go on to fuck half of Hollywood.

3. George Washington

He owned land, people, and was the first president of the greatest country on God’s green Earth. Plus, he smoked a ton of pot. And given that all his teeth rotted out of his head and had to be replaced with dentures, he will appeal to most middle of the country red voters.

4. Jesus Christ

Speaking of God, mommy’s little white nationalist can dress up as his son and our savior, Jesus Christ. It is a well-known fact that Jesus, despite being from the Middle East, was as white as they come. No need to fact check us on that.

5. Any Republican

Even minorities like Ben Carson, Condoleezza Rice, and Colin Powell, those fucking white puppets. For angry children, we suggest Lindsey Graham, Brett Kavanaugh, or Donald Trump.

6. Slave Master or Plantation Owner

And for those kids who want to cut the bullshit and expose their core beliefs, we suggest dressing up as a slave master. No reason to tip-toe around the issue, we all know who white babies really are anyway, they might as well realize it early.

7. A Ku Klux Klan Member

Although an obvious portrayal of whites in America, the KKK member costume can be enjoyed by all races. Other than Becky and Skyler dressing like their parents, children of different races can enjoy this costume by pretending to be an undercover officer.

8. A Police Officer

And finally, this functional costume will prepare your Tanner for his future as an innocent black killing cop, or at least get them comfortable with a firearm for when they become a school shooter.
Any of these costumes should ensure that your white child avoids any cultural appropriation that comes along with emulating their heroes of a different race. And if not, at least they’re white.

Any of these costumes should ensure that your white child avoids any cultural appropriation that comes along with emulating their heroes of a different race. And if not, at least they’re white.

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