Today, Facebook announced that a new feature being delivered in the next site update will include a timer designed to stop men from masturbating to women’s social media photos.

 
“It’s designed so that if the feature catches you on a woman’s bikini photos from her beach vacation album for too long the site will automatically kick you off the photo and “blackout” the photo for a predetermined amount of time,” Facebook representative Morgan Bailer told Savage America. “Before the blackout, you’ll get a notification saying something like ‘hey, you’ve been on this beflie post for the last 8 minutes, cum or move from this picture in the next two minutes to afford further action’ to deter unwanted behavior.”

 
The update should allow women more freedom to post what they wish only without having men be the disgusting pigs they are.

 
“As a woman, we all like to ‘flex’ on social media and post a photo that’s a little risqué, but it doesn’t mean I want some sweaty slob dry heavying over his vinegary dick to my photo for 30 minutes.”

 
Though one Florida man had something to say about the update.

 
“You won’t stop us,” said Mickey Pugnuts when asked about the change. “You don’t think we will work to cum quicker? That we won’t adapt to this change and come back stronger, creepier? Because we will. Guys will be jerking off in less than 30 seconds if you push us to that limit. And no matter what happens, even if you get rid of all the sexy pictures on social media, we will still find a way to jerk off to you. Whether you’re at church, at Christmas dinner, or on the moon, we will find something attractive about it, and do what we do best.”

 
Since which, Mickey Pugnuts joins Alex Jones in being banned from every social media platform in the country.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s