Today, President Donald Trump revealed a new program he will be rolling out before the midterm election in November. The target? College students.
“College debt is really bad,” President Trump said in front of the White House, “It’s a nasty issue. People are going into debt for tens and sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars to get their college education, and I believe that is very wrong. And to help put an end to this horrible issue, I have created a program to help relieve student loan debt.”
President Trump’s “End it All” program is designed to give Americans with college debt the option to eliminate the entirety of their student loan debt through one simple solution; kill yourself.
“Starting today, people can go to Savage-America.com and sign up for the program,” Trump stated. “Once registered, members will be eligible to kill themselves and have their outstanding student loans added to the national deficit.”
Once registered, members also receive a monthly newsletter, talking about how bad the economy will be after the bubble bursts, and how the odds of them finding a job that pays well enough to pay off the debt and keep living are almost non-existent. They will also receive words of encouragement along with lists, tips, and tricks to successfully killing yourself on the first try.
“We’re very excited about the program and the great things it will do for Americans,” Trump concluded. “And lucky for the GOP, most of our voters are too stupid to go to college in the first place.”
The program already has a wait-list exceeding 400,000 “eager” participants.