Early today, as Sarah Huckabee-Sanders addressed the media about President Trump’s plan to end birthright citizenship, something strange happened.
“She was in the middle of telling us that ‘there’s no reason for dirty Mexicans to come across the white man’s border and start shitting out their brown babies on our God-given soil,’ said CNN journalist Jim Acosta. “And then her skin just started to swell up like a balloon or like she was stung by 100 bees.”
Sanders then began to turn a reddish green as she continued to swell.
“From what I can gather,” Acosta continued. “She was just about to dodge the fact most U.S. citizens came from immigrants and received citizenship from birthright when she exploded.”
The press secretary blew up into a thousand pieces, but what shocked witnesses in the audience was first, there was a demon that remained, and second, that there was no blood, guts, or bone when she exploded.
“It was just a lot of vomit. Like chunks of McDonald’s and shit. It sprayed everyone in the room and confused the hell out of all of us. It was a huge mess of vomit mixed with bull shit; however, that got there.”
The Trump Administration posted a memo about the loss of Huckabee-Sanders, but are reportedly working swiftly on a new vomit zombie to take over her position.
“We hope to do a little better this time,” said Lindsey Graham. “The eyes were all crooked, and shit on the last one and god did that dog-faced smile scare the pants off of anyone who saw her unexpectedly.”
No news yet on when the new press secretary will take the podium.